My husband and I got married a little over a month ago, on December 4th. Before then, I read countless blogs and books all telling me what I should look for in my future husband. All of them were great qualities to consider as I made the decision to ultimately marry my husband. But honestly, sometimes it gets overwhelming to read about alllll of the attributes that your future husband should have. There are so many; does he have to have them all? Today I wanted to hopefully make it a little bit easier on you and just share what are, in my opinion, the 5 most important things to look for in your future husband.
Of course, please prayerfully make the decision to marry your husband!! He could have all of these attributes, but if God is telling you no, then it doesn’t matter. I talked to a guy like that in college- he had all of these attributes, but God was just telling me no. Today, I am married to another man, and he is engaged to another woman, and she is a much better fit for him than I ever would have been.
So let’s get into this! I am obviously not a marriage expert, as I’ve only been married for a month and a half. But I can say with confidence that these 5 attributes make all the difference.
5 Qualities to Look for in Your Future Husband
I could not imagine being married to a man that was arrogant. A man that is chasing praise, who steals the show, who has to be the center of attention, who has to make sure that others know of his good works… that would be annoying to deal with as a wife. Think about how that would play out in your marriage. Would he have to always be right and win every argument?
A man who is humble does his work for God, not for man. He does it without expecting praise or a pat on the back. He isn’t a doormat, allowing people to walk all over him. Humility isn’t lack of strength or even thinking less of yourself. It is simply thinking of others as greater than yourself, as well as living for the approval of God.
Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves.Philippians 2:3
Do you know anyone who will not accept help, even if it’s obvious that they have no idea what they are doing? It doesn’t make them look smart or self-sufficient like they think it does. Or what about someone who blows up if another person tries to gently correct them or show them what they need to work on, especially someone in the church?
This attribute goes right along with humility. Generally speaking, a humble person will have a teachable spirit. But I wanted it to have its own point because to me, it is so important.
There are things that your man will not know how to do. That may be a home improvement project, how to overcome sin, or even how to be a good husband. You will want him to accept help and wise outside counsel, not struggle along thinking he can figure it out on his own. It truly does not make him a weak man; it makes him smart. Nobody knows how to do everything.
Oh, and a man with a teachable spirit can learn all of the other important attributes 😉
In the same way, you younger men, be subject to the elders. And all of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because ‘God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you.1 Peter 5:5-7
Discipline leads to freedom. The opposite of discipline? Laziness. You want to marry a man that has goals and a plan to accomplish them. A man that reads his Bible and spends time with God daily. A man that is disciplined in what matters to him-working out, learning a new skill, or going to a weekly Bible study.
A man that is disciplined will not sit on the couch all weekend when there are things to be done. He will be intentional in loving you, loving Jesus, and loving your future kids and church family. He will always seek to become more like Christ, if that matters to him.
A disciplined man will be the kind of husband that works hard for the vision he has for his family.
Instead, I discipline my body and bring it under strict control, so that after preaching to others, I myself will not be disqualified.1 Corinthians 9:27
Genuine Love for Jesus
This one is so important, and yet it can honestly be hard to measure. A man, especially when you are dating him, can put on a pretty good show of loving Jesus. He can say and do all of the right things. Sounds kinda like a hopeless search, huh? But I have some hope for you! A good way to measure if a man genuinely loves Jesus is to look at the fruit he is producing. That fruit can be found in Galatians 5:22-23. Read those verses and see whether or not the man is producing those fruits as he abides with the Spirit.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law.Galatians 5:22-23
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.Mark 12:30
I am thankful that my husband embodies all of these qualities, but there are moments when I am especially thankful for this one. Like when I’m not feeling well and he cooks dinner AND does the dishes. Or when he pumps my gas for me. Or when he makes me coffee on a Saturday morning. Or when I oversleep (or just struggle to get out of bed) and he packs my lunch for me before work.
Look for the ways in which he serves, not just you but also others. Honestly, many men serve their girlfriends in the pursuit stage, but that may wear off. How does he serve the church, his parents, friends, or the person struggling at the grocery store? That is how he will serve you 5 years down the road when the newness of dating and marriage has worn off.
For you were called to be free, brothers; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.Galatians 5:13
I hope that this post was helpful! I encourage you to read this post if you want to dig a little deeper: 8 Qualities to Look for in Your Future Husband. Also, I’d love to hear what you think is important to look for in a husband in the comments!
With all my love,
All Scripture references from BibleGateway in HCSB version.