Hi y’all! Today’s post is a guest post by my new friend, Angie Woods. Both of us have a heart and passion for those of you that are in the season of singleness, so we decided to write posts for each other’s blogs. You get to hear from her 5 practical tips for single women while you wait (even if you never get married). On her blog, you can read my post on 5 things that I did as a single girl while I waited on my future husband. Happy reading!
5 Practical Tips for Single Women While You Wait
I remember being single at 27 and praying for some sign as to how old I would be when I would get married. I just wanted to know, would I eventually be married, or would I be single FOREVER? People might ask if I felt called to singleness, if I liked a guy, or if I had gone on any dates, and while those were awkward, I think my biggest struggle was “would this be forever?”
And when I think back to the things that got to me the most, it was thinking I was alone in this struggle, that everyone was getting picked, and that it might be like this forever.
So, I want you to know a few things. There are so many other single women just like you trying to do this season well. They are gorgeous, talented, smart, and an absolute catch, just like you. They aren’t getting “picked” and they are figuring out how to do this season of life well, and for as long as it lasts. These women are changing the narrative of what it looks like to be single and 25, single and 30, single and you fill-in the blank. Most likely your season of singleness will not last forever, but if it does you will handle it and make the most of it. I want you to think about if you do get married how you want to look back at this season of singleness and what you most want from it.
I want to give you some tips for how to get the most out of this season while you wait and for as long as it lasts.
1. Fall in love with who God made you to be and create a great relationship with yourself.
This one is key. You, my dear, are God’s creation. He made you perfectly. You get to decide if you like His creation and you can accept it, like it, or even fall in love with it. I mean I did not pick this type of hair, skin, or where my body fat distributes. I am guessing you did not have a say in it either. But you do get to steward it. You do get to walk around for your lifetime in your body, with what He gave you. A lot of us not only reject the body He gave us but can come to despise it or neglect it. You get frustrated with how He made you and walk around burdened by you. But it doesn’t have to be this way. And girl, you do not have to have “the perfect body” to decide to fall in love with it. Our relationship with ourself normally begins with our thoughts about our bodies, our appearances, who we see when we look in the mirror. And when you start consciously choosing to think amazing thoughts about who God made you to be you will start to change how you feel about you. When you get your appearance thoughts in order you can start to work on your thoughts about your personality and how you act. But, to have a great relationship with yourself you will need to think super high quality loving thoughts about you. That can take practice, but it is so worth it. Since you are with you the most, you might as well have an amazing relationship with yourself. One where you have your back, are proud of how you show up, are your greatest cheerleader and truly see you the way God views you. If you need some amazing thoughts to have about yourself, go check the Bible. It is filled with His thoughts about who you are and how you can live.
2. Create a life you love and live it to the fullest!
You have so much choice in what your life looks like. You get to decide how you spend your time. You get to decide where you live and what job you will have. You get to surround yourself with friends and family and the relationships that give you life. You do not have to just get by. You do not have to survive. And contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to wait for a husband for life to really begin. You can actually dream up an amazing life filled with all the things you love and then go to work creating it. Now it might take some hard work, some wisdom from God in leading you or doors shutting, but at the end of the day, it could be available to you. You want to live near a beach, what would it take? You have a dream job you most want, set out a plan to execute it. You are interested in learning to play a sport, a musical instrument or learn a new language, go for it. You have unique desires that are given to you by God to draw you to who He made you to be. I have no desire to become a ballerina, but if you do, awesome. Start thinking about each area of your life and what you most want. Look at your money, your time, your relationships with God and others, your work, and your biggest hopes and dreams. Spend time figuring out how to create that life. My favorite exercise is to create on paper the ideal week for me. Who would I spend time with, what would I do, would I cook or eat out, how much money would I make, how much money I would spend, etc… then go to work seeing what you could implement this week. Do this exercise and create the ideal month and you could even create the ideal year.
3. Be a conduit for God in the space you are in.
God longs to use you. He wants your time, talents, and your treasures. He can do more with you on your worst day, then you can do on your best day. So start looking for ways that He can work through you into others. Being an example of what a single Christian’s life looks like is a great thing. Show up and let the Lord shine through you. Stop making your singleness mean anything about you and see what God can do in it. I wish I would have had more examples of that growing up, because I thought the only way was marriage, and singleness was second best. I didn’t know many single women until I was single myself. Let’s change that. Let’s start giving singleness a great name. Because I had not had many examples of singleness done well, I didn’t know how to honor God in my singleness. Honestly, I wanted to hurry up and get out of that season. But you can let God be a conduit through you to the lives around you at work, at home, at church, in your community. You can start to change the narrative in our culture of what a single Christian woman looks like. You have so much to offer and a full life to share with so many.
4. Steward your sexual desire.
Understand that your desires are there to draw you into a relationship with a man. When you don’t have that available to you, look at those desires as from the Lord, not as punishment but a part of His design. The sexual desires you have are feelings caused by thoughts. They are normal. But, you want to create a relationship with those desires that are healthy. You want to continually give those back to the Lord as an offering to Him during your season of singleness. Those desires can drive you closer to Him that gave you those desires in the first place, but it will take conscious effort and great management of your mind. Knowing what circumstances can stir up thoughts about desire will be helpful. I knew that romantic comedies and certain movies only stirred up desire and thinking about having a husband and even thinking about having sex. I knew that doing that wasn’t setting me up for success. That doesn’t mean you can’t watch those movies, you just might need to be strategic in where and with who you watch with. Talking about your desires and having a safe place to discuss that with a mentor is also important. You are going to have moments where you need help in this and that person you can text, call, or go hang out with can be helpful as you steward your sexual desires.
5. Use singleness to your advantage.
There are things that singles can do much easier than couples or families. I know that there are things about my singleness that I look back on now and miss. So, enjoy sleeping in when you want to. Travel, decide what you do with your money, go where you want to be for the Holidays, cook the foods you like, clean up after just yourself, and enjoy each moment of your singleness for what it is. There are such great parts to singleness that sometimes you miss when your mind wants to focus on all of the good parts of marriage and families you are missing out on. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, but focus on what is the reality of your current situations. During your singleness you can get better at making decision all by yourself. You can figure out the dreams and desires you do have. You can learn to do things all by yourself like eating alone, going on a vacation alone or going to a movie theater alone. You can also create a community of people that you love to be with: married, families, or singles. You get to decide. But whatever you do, don’t use your singleness against you or the life you have. Don’t say things like “if I was married I wouldn’t have to…”. Look at singleness as an opportunity to get to. I am a firm believer that all circumstances in our lives are for God’s glory and for our good. So if you can start framing this season of singleness, for however long it lasts, with this in mind you will start creating a season that you love. One where you see God in it and through it. Love is full of amazing things with that mindset.
And listen, you don’t have to worry that if you love your singleness you will somehow stay single. You can actually love being single and want to be married too. I encourage all single women who want to be married to have that belief. You can stop being the lady in waiting and start being the lady living!
Cheering you on, Angie Woods
If you like what I shared today, then you will want to snag a copy of “5 Mistakes Single Women Make and How to Avoid Them.” In this 6 page pdf you will gain practical information and 5 exercises for you to do today! Grab it HERE!
Angie Woods is a life coach that helps Christian single women steward their season of singleness well. She helps them to stop making their singleness mean anything about them and start understanding who God has made them to be and consciously decide what they are going to think about themselves. She helps them create a life they love so they don’t have to wait for someone to pick them and their “real life” can begin. She is passionate about equipping women with these tools to stop suffering during their singleness and start thriving because she got married at 31 and wants to be who she needed when she was single.
Check out my guest post on here blog as well HERE.
With all my love,