As girls, we’ve dreamed of the guy we will someday marry. Our future husband. We know what we want him to look like. We’ve planned the wedding in our heads, maybe even making a Pinterest board. We’ve dreamed of the home we will share together.
But what about this guy’s heart? Just because he’s “cute and nice” does not mean that he is a guy you should marry. One day he will not be so attractive anymore, and all you’ll be left with is his heart.
I know it is so easy to settle when you want love and attention (Read: Where to Find Love and Fulfillment as a Single Girl). I’ve totally been there. But won’t it be so worth it to wait for the man God has for us? The man that has a beautiful heart? The guy that will lead you closer to God than himself?
So what should we, as single Christian girls, be looking for specifically in a future husband? What qualities are non-negotiable? I’ve put together a list of 8 attributes that I think are super important, taken from my own list!
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Your Future Husband Should…
1. Love the Lord will all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength (Luke 10:27)
This one is the most important of all! Y’all, if he doesn’t love Jesus he shouldn’t get access to your heart. You’re worth more than that.
And honestly, if he truly loves the Lord, everything else should fall in place. I’m not saying he will be perfect, because he won’t. But if he is seeking the Lord, he should be in the Word and working on his own character! Look for the fruit he is producing.
2. Be a spiritual leader (1 Corinthians 11:3)
If you are considering marrying the guy, then you are probably pretty in love with him. It can be so hard to see his faults when infatuation is blinding you. Trust me, I’ve been there. But like I’ve mentioned many times before, those emotions may go away.
If he’s not a Christian, or doesn’t love God will all of his heart, is he going to be leading you closer to Jesus? That’s the point, remember? You want a man that is a spiritual leader.
When you are dating the guy, it may not seem like such a big deal that he doesn’t pursue Jesus with you. But once you are married, you are going to wish that he was a spiritual leader. It can be tough being a Christian, and you want your husband to be right alongside of you, leading you.
Who will lead your children to Jesus? Who will decide to go to church on Sunday mornings? As a man, God made him to be the spiritual leader of the house. It will get tiring trying to be the spiritual leader, wife, and mother.
So look for that quality in your future husband! While you are dating, is he leading you closer to Christ? Or do you feel more distant to God than ever before?
3. Be mission-minded (Mark 16:15)
Missions isn’t just for those on a missions field somewhere in Africa. It is for every single Christian- including you and your future husband! God has called us to go and spread the Gospel. So is your man doing that? Is he focused on teaching others about Jesus and sharing the Good News?
Remember this question I’ve shared before: Can you serve God better together or apart? If he isn’t mission-minded, then you can probably serve God better without him.
4. Be humble (James 4:6)
I think that society has tricked us into thinking the popular and over-confident guys are the ones we should like. It may be cute at times, but it’s honestly not godly.
And think about it. Would you want to spend the rest of your life with a guy that always thinks he’s right? That would get pretty old.
So look for the guy that doesn’t always talk about his achievements. The guy that when praised, humbly accepts and moves on. The man that points others to Jesus instead of himself.
5. Treat you (and others!) with respect and honor (1 Peter 3:7)
You’ve probably heard this so many times, but I think it’s worth hearing again 😉 Look at the way he treats his mom and sisters (or other women/girls in his life). That is how he will treat you someday.
Your future husband should respect your body and purity, as well as your time and heart. He should respect and honor you for who you are.
He should respect the other women in his life the same way!
6. Be patient (1 Corinthians 13:4)
Can I just put it plainly? Getting involved with an impatient guy is the worst. You want a guy that is patient, whether that means literally waiting for something to happen, or not getting impatient and argumentative with you.
If you are dating a guy that is pushing you to marriage faster than you know is right, maybe he’s not the one. I know that’s hard to hear. But you want to marry a man that is patient with you while you are making decisions, while praying for you and encouraging you.
Also, does this guy get upset at little things often? Think about how that would be in marriage.
7. Be hardworking (Colossians 3:23)
Another truth: so many guys today are lazy. They just let their parents pay for everything, and don’t care about having a job or saving money.
If he does not have a job, examine why. Unless he doesn’t have a job because he’s in school, working hard, and playing sports or participating in extra-curricular activities, or because of health reasons, I don’t see any reason why he shouldn’t be working. And honestly, I think having a job is very important, and he should make it a priority.
He should have a strong work ethic so that he can one day provide for you and a family with stability.
Also, I think this is a good time to mention that he should be good with his money, too. Look at where all of his money goes. Is he saving, or spending? Money is a huge topic for arguments in marriage, so it’s good to know how he manages his money before you get married!
8. Be faithful (Luke 16:10)
You want a man that will stick with you through the good times and bad, right? I know I do!
Look at his life right now. Is he faithful to sticking to what he starts? Does he fight to keep friendships alive? Does he work to maintain something good in his life?
Those are only 8 of so many attributes your future husband should have! I feel that those are non-negotiable, but there are others I think are important: flexible, encouraging, trustworthy, gentle, good with kids etc. I encourage you to write out a list of qualities you want your future husband to have. Then when you meet a guy you like, you can take out the list and see if he is a man you may marry!
But I also want to remind you again that your future husband will not be perfect. He will mess up and need grace just as much as you. We shouldn’t expect him to be perfect while giving grace to ourselves. Work on your own character as well. Become the woman the man you are looking for is looking for.
What other qualities are you looking for in a future husband? Are you adding any to your list? Do you have a list of qualities for your future husband? I’d love to hear from you in the comments!
This was part 4 of my Singleness Series! Y’all I’m loving it. I hope you are too! Here is a list of the previous parts if you need to catch up:
Part 1: Interview with Shelley Black + Review of Savoring Single
Part 2: How to Guard Your Heart as a Single Girl
Part 3: Where to Find Love and Fulfillment as a Single Girl
Stay tuned for next week! I will be talking about how to pray for your future husband!
With all my love,
Tags : encouragement, future husband, lifestyle, singleness
I really have been enjoying this series. This is something that I have been struggling with like the everyone else. It’s hard, and in this is another great reminder for us to keep our eyes and hearts on God while we wait for a future husband. This really encouraged me today.
I am so glad, Breanna! Being single can be tough, but I definitely agree with you. We need to keep our eyes and hearts on God!
Allison, I love the new design! What’s the name of your theme? The blog looks really cute after the update — professional but still inviting and friendly. As I’m currently engaged (wedding date TBD, hopefully deciding for sure in the next couple of weeks, it’s super fun to plan around the military), all of these are things I’ve carefully looked for in my fiance. Is he 100% nailing all of these things every day? Not by a long shot. But do I see him working towards and attaining successes in each of these areas regularly, and always striving to do better than yesterday? Absolutely, and that’s what counts. I think you do a great job of gently making your recommendations without subjecting girls (and their prospective boyfriends) to unattainable standards, and pushing people towards yet more disappointment and frustration.
Thank you so much for sharing that, Neva! I love hearing from those in relationships.
And thank you!! That’s exactly how I want my blog to look. I bought a theme on Etsy. You can see it here.
Hi Allison,
Thank you so much for sharing those qualities. This article is so timely for me. I’ve been praying a lot lately regarding my spouse and these qualities confirms I’m on the right track. My single season has been quite challenging (I’ve been single for 8 years (practicing abstinence) and God has truly kept me through it all. I was praying last night about the godly man I’m believing God for and I asked God to use our union for His glory. I believe whoever my husband is, he will also have an incredible story to tell. So thank you and God bless you. I love your blog!
Hi Nicki!
Great job for following Jesus and staying pure as a single girl! I know it’s tough.
Thank you so much girl!!
Hey Allison!
I just want to commend you for your walk with Christ. It’s so beautiful and inspiring. The Spirit is really working through you and your words. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us, you lovely girl. <3
Awe thank you so much for your sweet comment! It is my pleasure!
Allison,
I just want to say thank for this series. It has been so enlightening and influential in not only my life, but I am sure in the lives of others as well. This particular post is great! We as women often get so caught up in physical appearance, and characteristics such as humor, etc. that we miss the truly important aspects, especially in regards to our faith.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
Tatyana,
Thank you so much for your comment! I am SO glad it has encouraged you. All glory to God!
Yes, I definitely agree. The heart is what truly matters!
Blessings, Allison
Hi Allison, I just found your blog and I love it! This is a great post – I just got married a few months ago, and I can happily say that my hubby fits all these “qualifications!” It is so important to choose carefully and put a lot of prayer and thought into the choice of a life mate. Thanks for sharing this post and encouraging young women through your blog!
Rebekah Joy
www,moreradiance.com
Hi Rebekah! That is so awesome!!
Thank you for commenting!
Hey Allison, just came up on your blog from Pinterest and I’m so glad I did. I just read this article you wrote (mind you I’m not single I do have a boyfriend, which I could say is my other half and rock and I don’t know what I would do without him), but I just want to tell you my story and how it relates to your article and to god.
First I’m from Miami and now live in Puerto Rico with my mom and stepdad (where I met my bf).
While in Miami, mind you I’m 27 and been with my bf 2 years now. Well in Miami I never had a boyfriend, never had relations with a guy or even dated. Coming to PR I met my bf and we ending up talking, well he’s the one that started talking to me and I really wasn’t interested till he got my interested, you know. (First and only guy that has ever talked to me and that I’ve ever talked too). Now it’s 2 years later and I’m very happy with him and I can say we have a good relationship. Before ever coming here while living in Miami (mind you I was never into god, never went to church, I’m am christin, I was Baptisted that) I prayed for many years to god for him to bring me someone a guy, a boyfriend, but not just anyone a great one with a great family too that will end up loving me as much as the guy would and even as there own. Coming here to PR that’s what I got. A great guy with a great family that love me as much as he does and even as there own and I feel very blessed and greatful to god for bringing me what I asked even though it took years of me asking, many years. I told my bf of this and he thinks that god made us for each other and that we were meant to be together. Now being with him, he goes to church and prays a lot and is into god and has brought me to his church where we practice god together and pary together. He first started bringing me because we have talked about getting married very early on into our relationship and we both want to get married in a church, but I had never done my communion so that’s why I started going to church to get my communion. After that we started going on Sunday’s with his family and out to Dennys breakfast afterwards. There are times when I’m tired and don’t want to go and he’s like we are going. If we do miss a day he feels bad and then we end up going the next week. But because of him he has brought me close to god and has taught me many things and I know that anything is possible when you bring god into your life.
As I was reading this I started crying, (I am in my days mind you which tend to make me very emotional) but I started crying realizing that everyone of the things you mentioned I had checked off. Everyone of the things you mentioned applies to my guy, my person, my other half. Thank you to god for bringing me and incredible man that I know will forever love me and take care of me just like he loves his family and takes care of them. My very first boyfriend and first guy I ever experience anything with and I think he may be the one.
But thank you for this article. There were times in our relationship that I was doubting weather we were meant to be or not.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Kathy! To God be the glory! I pray that He will be the center of your relationship and lives.