I am so glad you all enjoyed last week’s blog post: the Q&A with my boyfriend part 1! That post was more about our relationship specifically, but we got so many other good questions that were more general. So we’re tackling those today! I always loved reading posts about singleness and dating from a Christian guy’s perspective because I felt they helped give me insight into what a godly guy is actually thinking haha. So I hope you enjoy this second part of the Q&A: A Christian Guy’s Perspective on Dating!
Christian Guy’s Perspective on Dating
1. How do guys like for girls to indicate interest without coming on too strong? Or the opposite, how much is too relaxed?
The girl’s job is to be available, but not to throw herself on every potential guy. If there is a certain guy that you are interested in, you can make it a point to show interest in him in a way that distinguishes him from every other guy. However, if he does not pursue you, it’s alright. It’s worth it to wait on a man that will pursue you. Also, when a guy is trying to pursue you, do not try to play “hard to get” or “friend-zone” him. It’s okay to be vulnerable and honest about how you feel! Love is worth the risk.
2. “I feel like I have to go after a guy, if he really wanted to date me would he go after me?” Basically, should the guy be the instigator?
First, see question 1. In marriage, guys are created to be the leaders (1 Cor. 11:3), so you will want him to take the lead during the dating relationship as well. If he cannot pursue you or lead you now in a dating relationship, what makes you think he will lead you in marriage?
There is not anything inherently sinful about asking a guy to get coffee, but you do not want to enable him. There may be some situations in which this is appropriate, but the guy would for sure need to take the lead and pursue. (For example, if you two are best friends and he is unaware of how you feel, this may be an acceptable time to nudge the relationship forward.) As always, pray and ask God for wisdom.
3. Friends vs. flirting actions?
Does he act the same way around other girls? If he does not, then he may be interested in just you. It’s hard to give a detailed answer because every guy’s personality is different and they show interest in different ways.
4. “If a guy keeps telling me he wants to date me but never gets to asking me to be his girlfriend, should I forget about him? Sometimes I feel used in our complicated relationship.”
If he is bold enough to say that he wants to date you, he should be able to ask you to be his girlfriend. I would say that he is having a hard time committing, and that is something that you need to seriously consider long-term. Please be careful giving him the time and availability that being his girlfriend would provide.
5. In what ways are guys most hurt by girls in regards to chastity and purity?
Even though this has been perceived negatively in the past, modesty, or the lack thereof, can be a stumbling block for many guys. However, before continuing, I want to say that it definitely goes both ways. Guys need to also hold modesty in high regard, and girls are not solely responsible for a guy’s purity and what goes on in his mind.
With all that being said, it is helpful for both parties to maintain modesty in both dress and actions.
6. What is your opinion on makeup?
My opinion on makeup is all about motives. For instance, if a girl thinks she has to cake on makeup to be “enough,” then that reveals a deeper issue. That being said, I don’t see a problem if its something that they enjoy wearing but ultimately know their identity and worth are found only in Christ and not their physical appearance.
7. How much does being physically fit matter to guys?
The topic of fitness for Christian guys is a matter of motivation and reasoning, basically meaning it can reveal a lot about a person. For instance, if a girl is pursuing fitness for vain reasons then this is a huge turnoff. The bottom line is that mature Christian guys will seek a woman who finds their validation in Jesus and not in their physical appearance. That being said, if a girl pursues a healthy lifestyle while still finding her identity in Jesus then that’s a positive and honestly the ideal scenario.
8. “Do guys get bored with dating the same girl for a while? My boyfriend and I have been dating for only 6 months but I feel like the butterflies are fading.”
This goes back to your reasons for dating. Dating should be to find someone to marry, not just for fun. Dating requires a conscious choice, and should not be led by emotions or “butterflies.” For some, “butterflies” do fade, but this does not mean love has to. Love does not equal “butterflies.” Do not compromise your purity to keep any guy “interested.” In other words, a guy should not at all get tired of dating the same girl for a while if he’s in it for the right reasons.
Of course, because dating is meant to find someone to marry, if you both do not enjoy each other anymore, that is something to be concerned about. Don’t try to force anything. Marriage is a lot of just hanging out and you should enjoy spending time with each other.
9. “What to do if you like a Christian man (he is 21 or 22) and you’re 17?”
Is he pursuing you? I think that is perfectly fine, as long as it is a Christ-centered relationship and your parents or mentors are okay with it and support it. I would make sure to have plenty of godly counsel in this relationship, however.
But if he is not pursuing you, I would wait. Focus on your relationship with God and prepare for a future relationship.
I hope that you enjoyed this Christian guy’s perspective on dating and that it helped answer some questions you may have had! If you have any other questions or if I can help clear up anything for you, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
I think the first part of this Q&A was my favorite, so if you haven’t read that yet you can read it HERE.
With all our love,
Jason & Allison