I think we’ve all thought this question before, “Does God love her more than me?” At least subconsciously. It can be so easy to wonder when somebody else is getting what you’ve wanted and prayed about for so long. A boyfriend, a job, a baby, a friend group. Whatever the case may be, it can seem like God loves somebody more when they seem to have more. Is this the case, though? Does God show His love for a person by giving them more? I’m going to try to tackle this question in today’s blog post.
I can remember all too well being a freshman in college, watching everyone pair up that first year. I would talk to a guy for a little while, but nothing ever worked out, so I was back to being single each time. For the most part, I was pretty content, but there were times it was hard to see couples when I didn’t have a boyfriend myself. And honestly, in the moment, it can be hard to figure out why God is giving somebody else exactly what you want, but not giving it to you. What’s the difference? Why can’t God give it to both of us?
When we look back on situations like this, it can be a lot easier to see why God has chosen to wait to give us something, or even not give us something at all. For me, I met my husband my sophomore year of college. Looking back, it makes so much sense why God had us wait to meet each other. Timing of jobs, our spiritual walks, and much more had to work out before we could meet and start dating. It wouldn’t have worked out earlier in our lives. In addition, and almost even more importantly, I grew and learned so much in the waiting period. I honestly wouldn’t trade that time for anything, even though there were many tough moments.
In his book New Morning Mercies, Paul David Tripp says this, “What he has promised you is himself, and what he brings to you is the zeal of his transforming grace. No, he’s not first working on your happiness; he’s committed to your holiness. That doesn’t mean he is offering you less than you’ve hoped for, but much, much more.” When I read that the other week, it hit me. That is why God makes us wait or even says no to our desires. He cares so much about us that He wants us to be holy, as He is holy (1 Peter 1:16). Holiness is the only thing that bridges the gap between us and Him. Holiness is only obtained through the cross, but after salvation, Jesus takes us on a journey of sanctification through His grace. The definition of sanctification is “set apart as or declare holy; consecrate.” Jesus loves us so much that He wants us to be set apart for Him and His work (Ephesians 2:10).
I’ve said so many times here on the blog that our purpose in life is to seek first the Kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33). The process of sanctification helps us do just that, and if having to wait on a desire of our heart or even being denied a desire helps us to seek first the Kingdom of God, then isn’t it worth it? That’s a hard one to wrestle with. I think in our culture today, we are used to getting what we want. If we want a burger, we can go through the drive thru. If we need a new dress for an event, we can go to the store, or even order one online. It’s hard when the thing we want is outside of our control. In other words, it’s hard to trust God with the desires of our hearts. And it can easily seem like God loves her more if he gives her that thing. But He gives us Himself, which truly is better than any earthly thing that we desire.
It’s not that God doesn’t care about your happiness. But He does care about your holiness more. When it comes to the topic of singleness, sometimes he uses singleness to sanctify a person, and sometimes he uses a relationship to sanctify a person. Or even both over the course of a person’s life. When we are focused on our main mission in life, to seek first the kingdom of God, it doesn’t matter what season of life we are in- we can fulfill that purpose in any season. And He will use that season to sanctify us.
He will also use our seasons to reach other people, usually in the same season as us. I started blogging about singleness when I was single. If I wasn’t single, I probably would not have started that. God used my single season to sanctify me and encourage thousands of other women in their single season. I would say that’s well worth it to me.
I hope this is making sense to you. Long story short, no, God doesn’t love her more. He loves you so much that He cares about your holiness. He cares about others’ holiness as well and wants to use you to help others in their walk with Him. Sometimes having you wait or even saying no to you is the most loving thing that He can do for you, and I bet that one day, you’ll be able to look back and see His loving hand on the situation. He uses different things in each of our lives to sanctify us, but it’s all out of love, not partiality (Acts 10:34-35).
In this with you,