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Is it Possible to Desire Marriage and Still Be Content as a Single?

I’ve been working hard at becoming content as a single girl lately. I know it is so important, and 1 Timothy 6:6 says that godliness with contentment is great gain. In my own life, I know that I have more intimacy with God and make a greater impact in this world when I am content. I’m not distracted by my desires, and my focus on God’s plan for my life is at the forefront of my mind. But a question that I’ve often wondered is this: Is it possible to desire marriage and still be content as a single?

In short, I think the answer is yes.

But like most things in life, sometimes it can be more complicated than that. How can you desire marriage in a healthy way without it becoming an obsession? Is it even possible? What does contentment look like?

Today, I wanted to sit down and hopefully answer this question for you! However, instead of answering it in one long answer, I’d love to share some tips, truths, questions, and encouragement so that you can form your own opinion.

Is it possible to desire marriage and still be content as a single?
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Staying Content While Also Desiring Marriage

Is your desire an idol in your life?

This is huge. If your desire to be married is an idol in your life, then it is impossible to be content. Just being honest!

Let me ask this question a different way: Is your desire for marriage larger than your desire for God and to do His will?

Our purpose in life is to seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness (Matthew 6:33), and obsessing over marriage is not doing that. You can’t live out your purpose if you’re being hindered by a desire that God may or may not fulfill.

What does being content look like?

First off, I highly recommend you read the blog post How to Become Content as a Single Girl. I think this whole post will make more sense when you know how to be content.

So now that you’ve read the post, do you know what being content looks like? Do you think you could desire marriage while finding your fulfillment in Christ and being grateful?

Chances are, you totally can!

Do you truly trust God?

I think this is a huge indicator of whether or not you can be content and desire marriage. If you truly trust God with your life and trust that He has your best interests at heart, for your good and His glory, desiring marriage is okay. You know that He may or may not give you this desire, but you trust Him with it. This is a healthy place to be!

And I believe that truly trusting God = contentment.

Related: 4 Ways to Trust God with Your Love Life

Also Related: 5 Ways to Truly Trust God With Your Life

Do you have a time table in your mind?

Scratch it.

This goes off of the previous question, but if you have a time table in your mind and think you should be married by 25, you are not trusting God and you will not be content. You can’t be content and desire marriage while expecting God to work by a certain birthday. He has his own time table, and honestly, it’s a lot better than ours.

Some people say they trust God, but when they reach a certain age, they get impatient and upset that they aren’t married. So I wanted to add this question!

Can you walk out your calling well?

While desiring marriage, can you follow God’s plan for your life?

I think you can, as long as you aren’t believing that your calling in life is to be married. It may be one day, but right now He has something else for you.

I’m thinking that our callings in life aren’t based on relationship status. I think you should be living out your calling while you happen to be married or single. Not married or single while you happen to be living out your calling. Does that make sense? Seeking first the Kingdom isn’t reliant on relationship status. And because of this, your relationship status does not define your identity, but Jesus does!

So if you are living out your calling and following Jesus’ plan for you, I think its okay to desire marriage.

It’s all about surrender.

It really is about surrendering your whole life and heart to God. I think only then you can be content and desire marriage.

You trust Him, are living out your purpose, and have learned to be content, all while hoping that one day, you may get married.

In conclusion, I think it is totally okay to desire marriage as a single person. I also think you can be content while also hoping to one day be married. I think you can trust God while also wanting marriage to be in your future. It becomes a problem when that desire is an idol or distraction in your life.

I hope this post helped answer some questions for you!

In this with you,

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Allison Marie

Hi! I am Allison Marie, the creator of this blog! I love Jesus, being a wife and mom, trying new restaurants, and tea lattes. To read more about me, go to the “About” page!

2 responses to “Is it Possible to Desire Marriage and Still Be Content as a Single?”

  1. James Wesley Avatar
    James Wesley

    Good stuff. You’re right that this can be complicated, for sure! I find some of the Christianese ideas about “contentment” to be a little strange, though, especially when it comes to unwanted singleness.

    The desire for love/romance/marriage/sex/children etc. is very common, and I believe it’s just a normal part of the human experience for many, perhaps most, people.

    If you’re single, you hear people pontificate to you about “contentment” all the time. In Philippians 4:12, when Paul reminds us to be content in whatever state we’re in, he’s referring to our ultimate contentment in God. There’s no requirement to force ourselves to be happy about every situation. Having and expressing the desire doesn’t make you weak. Admitting and expressing frustration and loneliness doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a bad Christian. And we can’t really purge ourselves of our emotions, can we?

    A lot of times, singles will feel lonely in their situation. That’s fine. We can’t help that. We can’t help the way we feel. But we can also feel guilty for being lonely because as Christians we have things to be thankful for and we’re often presented with the message that all the good Christians must be “content.” We’re also sometimes told that we have to be “content” before God will bless us with romantic love. This is a popular idea in modern church culture, but we’re not required to be completely satisfied with life, whether we’re married or single. We live in a bad world, where bad things happen and life doesn’t always go our way. We don’t have to repress our emotions or pretend that these situations make us happy. Nor do we have to pretend that these desires are unimportant to us. It’s OK to feel and express sadness and loneliness. We’re not going to disappoint God for feeling emotions that we can’t control anyway.

    Ideas like this imply that your “season” of singleness will end once we learn to properly exercise contentment. Apparently all the married couples somehow mastered this, and reached some pinnacle of contentment that God approved of and rewarded accordingly. As if we can use a formula and reverse psychology to convince God to give us the thing we want. Sometimes married couples will tell you that their story went like this, that God “blessed” them with a spouse once they stopped “idolizing” marriage, or once they “stopped looking.” Cool story. As if that’s some sort of universal rule. The Bible doesn’t mention this weird idea anywhere.

    For some people, the desire to marry can be very strong. Paul concedes that in 1 Corinthians 7, and he encourages those people to take action and get married. He doesn’t beat these people over the head or try to shame them over how “discontent” they are. Nor does he lecture them about waiting on “God’s timing” for some “soulmate” to magically arrive.

    I don’t meant to rant or sound like I’m arguing, but sometimes some Christians seem to have the idea that being “content” means they have to somehow purge themselves of their totally normal desires. You’re not necessarily making an “idol” out of marriage, simply for admitting the desire and taking action to try to make it happen.

    I just find some Christian ideas about singleness/contentment a bit strange sometimes.

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    1. Allison Marie Avatar
      Allison Marie

      Yes, I agree! I think you can desire marriage and even be working towards it while still learning to be content, as Paul talks about.

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