Honestly, some people may consider my husband and I to still be newlyweds. We’ve been married for a little over a year and a half at this point. To me, it almost feels like we rushed straight through that season because we got pregnant and became parents so early. Either way, I’ve learned a lot and am still learning a lot! I don’t claim to have figured all of these lessons out, and I have to remind myself of them often. But I hope and pray that these 6 lessons I learned as a newlywed wife encourages you, whether you’re single, engaged, or a newlywed as well, or have been married for years!
1. We’re on the same team
Why does it seem like we’re on opposing teams when we’re having an argument or misunderstanding? I guess because we both have different points of view, and we each want the other to understand our viewpoint and adopt it. But the enemy is not each other, it’s the actual enemy of this world. He seeks to divide and destroy.
It can be so easy to view your husband as your enemy, but I’ve been learning how to see him instead as my teammate. We can still have different viewpoints, but we know that we are one and nothing is going to change that, so we make our decisions based on what is best for our family. We’ll get into what I’ve learned about communication in a minute, but communication is so important here. Let each of you communicate your viewpoint fully and then discuss them.
You have to be unified in order to fight the temptations and attacks from the enemy. He wants nothing more than to see your marriage divide and fail.
2. He can’t read your mind
Oof. This has definitely been one of the hardest for me to learn. I think as women, we seek to be known and loved, and so we want our husbands to know us so well that they know what we want without us having to tell them. And sometimes that may happen. But most of the time, they just don’t know. Especially when it comes to how you are feeling in any given moment.
There are so many disagreements that my husband and I could have avoided if I had just communicated what I was thinking or what I wanted him to do. The fact that I have to tell him doesn’t mean that he loves me any less.
And if you feel like you tell him things and he doesn’t remember, I’ve also learned this: make sure you have his full attention when telling him something.
3. Don’t hold him to a standard of perfection
Honestly, I expect him to give me grace, so why would I not extend that same grace to him? Sure, it can be annoying when he doesn’t put things where they should go (or puts things inches from where they’re supposed to go). But we get to extend the same grace that Jesus so willingly went to the cross for.
I read a story one time from a widow that I try to remember whenever I start to get annoyed at my husband. Long story short, she wished that she still had to pick up her late husband’s socks and towels off of the ground. She wondered why she had ever complained when it really was not hard to just pick up the socks.
So I try to be thankful that I have a husband to pick up after.
And maybe your problem with your husband isn’t as simple as picking up socks. You still get to extend him grace, just as Jesus has covered all of your sins with His grace. Finding an older, wiser, Christian couple to help navigate hurtful situations can be so helpful.
4. You get to be his biggest supporter
It is such a privilege that we get to support and encourage our husbands. Just like their encouragement means so much to us, I know our encouragement means a lot to them. I’ve been learning how to cheer my husband on and help him do what God has called him to do.
I always think about people like Elisabeth Elliot or Billy Graham’s wife. Their husbands couldn’t have done all that they did if their wives weren’t supporting them and staying with their children.
We get to champion our husbands to become men after God’s own heart, and that’s a blessing to everyone involved.
5. Seek to serve him well
This kind of piggybacks off of supporting your husband well, but I’ve also been learning a lot about serving him. The Bible is full of lessons about serving others well and seeking to put others’ needs above our own. If I’ve learned anything in marriage, it’s that I can be so selfish. So serving my husband above myself doesn’t always come naturally. It’s a choice, and one I have to continually make.
6. My fulfillment has to come from Jesus
Most importantly, I have been learning that I cannot expect my husband to complete me or fulfill Jesus’ role in my life. Only Jesus can fulfill me. When I always run to my husband to fix whatever is wrong, I’m putting unrealistic expectations on him that he cannot live up to. He may be able to help some, but ultimately it will just lead to disappointment. Jesus is our Rock and Fortress, the One we can run to with any problem, sorrow, or worry. God can absolutely use our husbands to help us, but He is the One that we should ultimately seek.
I hope this post on things I learned as a newlywed wife encouraged you! It was fun (and humbling) to reflect on what I’ve learned in our short time being married, and I’m sure in another year I’ll have even more to write. But I’d love to hear, what have you learned in your marriage? What is God teaching you?
With all my love,