Whether you’re single, dating, engaged, or married, it is so easy to try and find your identity in a man. I think it’s truly because we were made in the image of God, and so it is natural for us, in a perfect world, to find our identity in God. But because we live in a fallen world, it is easy to misplace that identity and find it in something other than Him, oftentimes a man. However, as we all know, men will disappoint us. We will disappoint men. We are all human and will leave each other always desiring more if we try to find our identity and fulfillment in each other. But as Hebrews 13 tells us, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Sounds like a solid place to find our identity to me.
So today, I want to walk you through a how to find your identity in Jesus and not a man. This will help your relationships here on earth to be much more fulfilling because you won’t be expecting a man to show you who you are. And your relationship with God will be stronger, too, because your intimacy will be greater.
Oh, and I’m not writing this because I’m perfect at it. Most of the time, I need this reminder, too.
Finding Your Identity in Jesus
1. Know what God says about you
How are you going to be able to know who you are in Christ and find your identity in Him if you don’t even know what He says about you? I encourage you to set aside some time (soon!) to dig through the Bible and find verses that describe what God says about you and what He thinks about you. If you don’t know where to start, a quick Google search should yield some great results. Make a list of what God says about you along with the verse reference, so that you can look back at the source whenever you need to. I’ll give you a couple of examples:
- He calls me a child of God (John 1:12).
- He says that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
2. Spend time with Jesus
Spending intimate time with Jesus is key to finding your identity in Him because finding your identity in Jesus is a constant process. It’s a daily choice that you have to make, and spending time with Him in prayer, reading Scripture, worshiping, and listening to Him helps make that choice a whole lot easier. It aligns your desires with His and gives you strength to choose to find your identity in Him. Truly, the Christian life is one of intentionality. You have to submit yourself to Jesus in order to become more like Him and find your identity in Him.
3. Choose a man that loves Jesus
Honestly, sometimes a man is a part of the problem and actually wants you to find your identity in him. Whether he’s jealous or codependent- he wants you to rely on him. That is why a big part of finding your identity in Jesus is choosing to be in a relationship with a man that loves Jesus and encourages you to follow Jesus. It makes it a whole lot easier when the man isn’t pulling you away from Him.
And if you’re already married, you can’t go back and choose another man, obviously. If your man doesn’t push you closer to Jesus, you can absolutely still find your identity in Him; you just may have to be even more intentional.
4. Be “unoffendable”
When you find your identity in Jesus, you listen to what He says about you and not what the world and others say about you.
I used to be so sensitive and let whatever somebody said about me or to me hurt my feelings. I’m not saying I don’t ever get my feelings hurt anymore (I’m human), but I’m not so sensitive because I know what others say about me isn’t nearly as important as what Jesus says about me.
Abbie Halberstadt has an episode called ‘A Case for Being “Unoffendable”‘ on her podcast that I would really encourage you to listen to! The podcast is called M is for Mama, but this episode is definitely not just for moms.
5. Preach to yourself
Like I mentioned earlier, finding your identity in God and not a man requires being intentional. You have to daily choose to find your identity in Jesus, although it does get easier the longer you do it. Preach truth to yourself and remind yourself what God says about you. Life is so much more fun and free when you live life according to God’s will!
In this with you,