I feel like God has been teaching me a lot about expectations recently. Y’all, I am like the poster child for having unrealistic, high expectations. I used to always be disappointed on my birthday and other holidays because I expected so much from them. The days truly were amazing, but not what I had dreamed up.
As you’ve probably heard me say, I am a 4 on the Enneagram, which may explain my high expectations. Apparently that is a part of my personality type.
Just a little sidenote: if you do not know your Enneagram number, I highly recommend you figure it out! It has helped me so much in understanding how I process things and so much more. DM me on Instagram or email me (email@example.com) if you’d like some tips on finding your number!
Anyways, back to high expectations. Although I have gotten much better at managing my expectations, I still tend to dream up perfect scenarios that could never even happen. That can be so detrimental!
And as a single girl, I know I have dreamed up perfect scenarios for my future dating relationships and marriage. God has convicted me lately in this. As I’ve come to realize, guys aren’t perfect (okay, everybody knows that). But for real. In my dream world, my future husband was perfect and attended to my every need and desire. While you should not settle at all, these expectations will only leave you empty and disappointed when you get to marriage and realize your future husband doesn’t do all you thought he would.
I shared this post on Instagram a little while ago, and want to share it here too because it sums up my heart:
Single girls, and even girls in relationships, can I talk to you for a second?
Your future husband will not be perfect.
We all think we know that, but do we really? We watch Hallmark shows, grow up watching princess movies, and see pictures on social media all of the time. It all looks so perfect, and even though we know it’s not, the seed is planted. The image will always be there for you to compare your life to.
I’ve been struggling with this lately. And to be completely honest, I don’t know how to completely fix it. The image of perfection is a part of our culture.
But maybe we can start by giving grace. By maybe taking a break from media and spending time focusing on what Jesus says about relationships. By maybe giving that good Christian guy a chance. It’s not easy, and I’m sure there will still be disappointments later on, but it will be so worth it.
It’s not fair for us to put this much pressure on guys. Please don’t settle, but don’t wait for somebody that fulfills every little requirement that you have dreamed up. That guy probably doesn’t even exist. Marriage is messy and beautiful and sanctifying, a covenant between two sinners. It’s not perfect, but neither are you or your future husband.
And maybe that’s okay.
Because we serve the One who is perfect and redeems brokenness.
As @abigailtovah said one time on her story, “Stop looking for a perfect man & start praying for a growing man.”
Today I wanted to share with you a few things to do or think of as we work to manage our expectations as single girls.
5 Ways to Manage High Expectations
1. Give Grace
A lot of times, we give ourselves more grace than we give others. We set standards for them that we do not follow ourselves. And while you should know what you’re looking for in a future husband, please give some grace. He won’t be perfect and neither will you. You can practice giving grace to your friends and siblings right now 😉
2. Watch Your Dream World
I don’t know if its just me, but I have dreamed a lot when it comes to my future husband. I’d like to think we all have, so I know I’m not alone 😉 But like I mentioned before, this can be dangerous because our dreams are not real life. They’re just that- dreams. So watch what you’re dreaming of and make sure you aren’t creating unrealistic expectations for your future marriage.
I talk some about this is in How to Guard Your Heart as a Single Girl.
3. Find Out What Jesus Says About Relationships
This is a huge one. If you’ve witnessed any marriage, you know they are not perfect. In fact, they can be hard. Any relationship can be. So please find out what Jesus says about relationships. Know what He expects from them, not just what you expect. There are some great books out there on marriage, but the Bible is the best one!
I listed some good books on marriage in 5 Things to Do Once You are Engaged.
4. Check Your Heart
Consistently check your heart when it comes to managing expectations. This will be an ongoing battle and may not be easy. Maybe have someone that you can talk to about it, but also make sure you are taking inventory of how you are feeling and what you are thinking about marriage. I have found that journaling out my thoughts helps me a ton.
5. Maybe Give That Guy a Chance?
If you have realized that your expectations are way too high and you’ve ignored some guys that may be great options, maybe you can give one of them a chance. Remember that no one is perfect, but he should be seeking to grow closer to Jesus. Pray about it!
I’m in this with you girl! If you need prayers about managing expectations or have any questions at all, please email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) or DM me on Instagram!
Oh, and no, I didn’t cut my hair. I just didn’t have any new pictures 😉 I alllllmost want to cut my hair now.