As a single girl, there are many lies I have believed about my singleness. I knew I couldn’t be the only one, so I asked my Instagram followers what lies or myths they believe(d) as a single girl. I definitely wasn’t alone! Most of them believed the same lies that I had believed. Whether they were self-imposed or lies fed by the culture, they’re just that- lies. I’m sure you have believed some of them as well.
Today I wanted to debunk those lies! I took many of the lies that the girls on Instagram shared with me + some I believed myself. These are all lies single girls should stop believing. Remember, I’m in this with you and I really am preaching to myself as well! We can debunk these lies together with God’s truth.
15 Lies Single Women Believe + God’s Truth
1. Life doesn’t begin until you get married
I got this response a couple of times and I’ve definitely believed this lie before! It is so easy to believe that as a single girl, you are just surviving this waiting period until you get married and your life really begins.
But it’s not true! As I’ve mentioned several times on the blog, our purpose in life is to know God and make Him known. You do not need to be married to do that. You can fulfill your purpose and thrive right now, whether or not you ever get married!
2. Your single years are less important than your married years
Ever felt like you can’t make as much of a difference right now because you are not married? Or that these years aren’t as important as your married years will be? I’ve got a few thoughts on this.
First, these years can be so important as we grow closer to God and even prepare for marriage.
Second, Paul actually says that he wishes all people could be as he was- single (1 Corinthians 7). It can be easier to be flexible in ministry. Is marriage bad? Not at all! But you can use these single years to be flexible for Jesus.
Last, God has a plan for you. If you yield to Him and allow Him to lead you, every season of your life will have equal importance because they will each have unique significance in the Kingdom.
3. Singleness is a punishment
This can be one of those lies that enter your mind when you are lying awake at night wondering why you are still single. Is God punishing me? What did I do that was so wrong?
But sweet girl, you are not being punished. One of the pastors on my campus last fall semester said something that I had never really thought about before, “Jesus took our punishment on that cross. We don’t receive the punishment for our sin because of Him.”
Are there consequences for sin? Absolutely. But He took the punishment and offers us forgiveness instead.
4. Being single means you are not good enough for a good guy
Honestly? Without Jesus, you aren’t good enough. Even if you were happily married you would not be good enough without Jesus. In Him you are whole and complete. So you are good enough. If a guy tells you that you’re not, run.
5. Your standards are too high
Oh y’all, please don’t believe this lie! I’ve seen girls lower their standards to get a guy and it breaks my heart. In all honesty, I’ve done it to a degree. There have been guys I really liked but I would have had to lower my standards to be with them. I didn’t, but I considered it.
It is definitely not worth it to lower your standards and compromise your relationship with Jesus. If your standards are Biblical, do not lower them for any guy.
6. You need to always be on the hunt for a future husband
Yes, keep your eyes open and get to know good guys! But please don’t become desperate. You don’t have to go to every conference, church event, or party expecting to meet a guy. Obviously you don’t have to be oblivious, but life is about so much more than finding a guy. So enjoy life and live in the present!
Be proactive, but remember that God is ultimately in control and you can rest in that truth.
7. No one will ever love you the way you want/need to be loved
I think this has to deal a lot with who you put your worth and identity in. No guy will ever satisfy every desire that you have, and your future husband will disappoint you. You have to find your worth, love, and who you are in Jesus first.
This has been a journey for me, but the older I get and the more time I spend with Jesus, the more I find myself looking to Jesus for love, acceptance, and security. If you’re struggling with this, definitely pray about it!
8. You’re boring if you’re still single
This totally isn’t true! Be yourself. You want a guy to love you for who you truly are, don’t you? If you really aren’t into a certain activity, that’s okay.
Just because you are single doesn’t mean that you are boring. It just means that you haven’t found the right guy that will cherish you for who you are. God’s got something else for you right now.
And while we’re on the topic, you don’t have to have a ton of hobbies in common to make a relationship work. Enter into each other’s worlds and always have Christ at the center. Phylicia Masonheimer (love her and highly recommend following her!) talks about this a lot. She and her husband don’t have much in common, but they both have the same mission in Jesus. Pray about the relationship, of course, but don’t dismiss the relationship because you don’t both love sports!
9. Your expectations are too high
I thought about putting this with the one about having high standards, but the more I thought about it, I realized standards and expectations are two different things.
You have to be so careful with expectations. Honestly, this may be the only lie on the list that may not even be a lie. You may actually have expectations that are too high. Girls, please hear me. No guy is perfect. If your expectations are coming from movies, romance novels, or perfect pictures on Instagram, they aren’t realistic.
If your expectations are from the Bible, then that’s awesome! Just be careful that you aren’t expecting your future husband to be perfect or look super hot because you may never actually find a husband that fits that criteria.
10. You need a boyfriend or husband to complete you
I’ve touched on this already, but I’ll say it again. God is the only one that can complete you! When you realize this, your future marriage will be so much better because you won’t put so much pressure on your husband to be who you want him to be.
11. You’re not pretty enough
Girl, you’re beautiful. You may not be perfect or look exactly how you want to, but please remember that you are made in God’s image fearfully and wonderfully (Psalm 139). That means you don’t have to be the prettiest or thinnest. Just be you.
Here’s a blog post I highly encourage you to read if you don’t think you are pretty enough: I (Don’t) Feel Pretty: A Biblical View of Beauty. Oh, and this one: Please Stop Calling Me Beautiful. They are by one of my all time favorite bloggers, Phylicia Masonheimer. Please take the time to read them!
12. God doesn’t care about you/your love life
Oh sweet girl, if I’ve learned one thing through being single and talking to different guys, it’s that God truly does care. Even though I’m still single, I can look back now at past hurts and relationships and thank God for every one of them because God used everything to teach more about Him and to draw me closer to Him. None of the hurt was wasted.
So please remember that He cares and He definitely has a plan, whether it includes a husband or not.
I’ve learned His plans are absolutely better than my plans anyways!
13. Being single means you can’t have a family
One of my friends shared this with me on Instagram and I’m so glad she did! I have definitely believed this lie. I have such a huge heart for foster care and adoption, and having to see such a need without being able to do anything about it is hard. But even further than that, it seems you cannot have a family at all as a single girl (I’m talking about a family of your own).
However, something that I’ve seen my friend do well, as well as Annie Downs (you have to read her books if you haven’t!), is to invest in other people’s kids. That can be your friends’ kids, kids at church, or even kids on a mission trip. They may not be your own, but you can love them like your own. And honestly, they become a lot like family.
14. It will be easier to not sin once you’re in a relationship
Have you ever believed it will be easier to not sin once you’re in a relationship? I have. Whether the sin has to do with purity, comparison, envy, self-control, etc., it will not be easier to not sin once you have a boyfriend or husband. You won’t become a “sanctified” version of yourself once you are in a relationship. You’ll take the same struggles into it with you. So work on them now!
15. You will never find anyone
Honestly, this might be the other that isn’t completely a lie. You may never find a future husband. I know that is so tough to hear, and a couple of years ago that truth would have crushed me. Today, I am so confident that God has a good plan for me that I trust Him with my whole life. I pray that you come to know this same comfort!
Well y’all, I hope this was encouraging! I really wanted to debunk these lies so that you can live out your purpose as a single girl in confidence and truth. We can’t keep looking at relationships and marriage as being the “greener grass on the other side.” It’s not. Yes, they are blessings, but singleness can be as well.
Oh please y’all, live this season to the fullest and trust God with every ounce of your being. You will never get this time back and it can be so precious! God has an amazing plan for your life that is a part of a much larger plan. Trust Him. After all, He’s got it all under control.
If you’re struggling with being single, read one of my favorite posts on the blog, A Heartfelt Letter to All the Single Girls (from a single girl).
What are lies you have believed as a single girl? I’d love to hear in the comments. I also know these topics can be hard, so if you have any questions or need prayer, comment below as well!
In this with you,